Career opportunities await.

Tired of being the flunky at work? Time to get your act together and start playing to win!

Nothing was going right for Alice. She’d been hired as Junior Copywriter three years ago. Drafted into a growing advertising agency, she saw it expand to nearly twice the size it was when she joined. Yet, she had never been asked if she’d be interested in a promotion. Instead, she watched three men and one woman take up the position of Senior Copywriter, and all left the company within a year.

Finally, after all those doughnut lunches and midnight dinners, she handed in her resignation. Not because she had found another job, but because she was so frustrated at playing second fiddle.

“As junior copywriter, I got no credit,” says Alice, 26. “If my ideas were good, they’d be approved to show to clients. And if the clients liked them, then they’d become successful ad copies. But I never got any credit for it — the glory always went to the so-called ‘team leader’, which was the Senior Copywriter, of course.”

When the management received her resignation, they didn’t make much of a fuss because they didn’t realise the talent they were losing. They didn’t know that Alice was the creative spark behind so many campaigns, because she never got recognition for her work. And so the company lost a valuable mind, and Alice probably lost a sterling career in a growing organisation.

It’s called playing second fiddle, being the lackey, being the cog in someone else’s wheel: as long as you keep turning, they keep moving. But there are reasons why you find yourself in this position, and there are ways to get out.

Why you’re here

Although a CBS News poll suggests differently, experts generally agree that most of the time, a woman’s career is held back primarily because of herself. According to Cathy Goodwin , PhD, author, speaker and career coach, there are five things that could be getting in the way of your moving up at work:

1. Not finding out

   …whether the position is available in the first place, or if the title and salary advertised is negotiable. Companies often don’t have the budget to move people up a rung arbitrarily, so it could simply be bad timing.

   What you can do about it:

   “Before you enter a negotiation, find out if there are restrictions on what you can get,” says Goodwin. “For instance: if a job is advertised at a certain title and salary, some companies will not negotiate beyond what is formally posted. If your company has a limit on raises, you can’t get more unless your boss jumps through a lot of hoops.”

2. Not knowing the company’s direction

   …and assuming that the position must be there because someone had it last week. It could have been made redundant, or it could be that they have taken its role and made it someone else’s responsibility. It’s not very fair, but it’s not your fault, either.

   What you can do about it:

   “Companies reward people for doing what the company wants,” says Goodwin. “If the company’s values conflict with yours, you have a decision to make.”

3. Not documenting your contributions

   …to the company. People have a short memory, and few HR departments keep track of employee successes. Most are only interested in employee failures.

   What you can do about it:

   “Write down every little success that contributes to the bottom line of your company or division,” advises Goodwin. “How has your work helped your boss get his or her accomplishment? Show how your job has increased sales and (hopefully) profit, saved time and/or money, or somehow added value.” Goodwin also warns that if you have a job with no measurable contribution to the bottom line, then you should start thinking about a career change.

4. Misjudging the boss

   …can severely hamper your chances of breaching the subject of getting promoted. Different bosses have different negotiating styles — some bosses like people to challenge them, some prefer written documents, others face-to-face conversation, others e-mail. And most bosses need some higher authority to approve promotions or raises.

   What you can do about it:

   You need to make it easy for your boss to make a case for you when approaching his boss. When applying for a promotion, make your case in the cover letter so your boss can ‘sell’ you.

5. Being unsure about yourself

   …makes you unfocused and incapable of appearing confident about what you want. What’s your market value? Are you ready to move for more money? Do you have other options if this doesn’t work out?

   What you can do about it:

   “If you know your bottom line, you will have the quiet confidence that communicates nonverbally,” says Goodwin. “If you are not marketable, do the best you can with this go-around and then begin to consider a career or job change. Or, find ways that you can become more marketable on the job, such as courses or classes.”

Politicking your move up

Being an Assistant Something-or-the-Other does not exclude you from the politics of your workplace. As Susan Roane, keynote speaker and best-selling author of The Secrets of Savvy Networking says: “Waste not one moment lamenting about the horrible politics in your firm, company or association. There is no gathering of three or more persons that is free of politics.”

Although the game gets tougher the higher you get, even the most menial position at your office is subject to political influences. And changing jobs is not the answer.

“Some people sincerely believe that if they change jobs or firms, the politics will go away and they’ll live happily ever after,” says RoAne. “It isn’t true of marriages; why should it be true of work?”

Not being politically savvy can affect your chances of a promotion in more ways than one, according to RoAne.

“Office politics has taken a rap from people who don’t get the plums,” she says. “No one complains about politics who has been the beneficiary of some savvy actions.”

These are some of the perceptions your colleagues may have of you, and what you can do to counter them:

1. You lack career management skills

   …and have no clue as to what to do next. Anyone who wants to go anywhere must have a plan, a roadmap to get there. If you appear content to stay where you are and bitch about it, your boss will think that you’re headed nowhere… and no one likes a corporate nomad.

   Change this perception by:

   Firstly, getting to know Who’s Who. This is very crucial, because there are some whose opinions count, and other’s who don’t. You want to make sure you work on the people who do. “Observe your colleagues, subordinates and supervisors,” suggests RoAne. “Who eats with whom? Who works out together? Commutes together?”

2. Being a loner rather than a team player

   …will not make you a successful leader.  People don’t know you well enough to want you to be in a position of power. Promoting you would be a disaster to the team, since no one else will understand why you deserve the move.

   Change this perception by:

   Listening, says RoAne — to conversations in staff rooms, at clients’ and even in the washrooms. Some may describe this listening strategy as eavesdropping, but this ‘informal listening’ allows us to learn of birthdays, anniversaries, promotions, co-workers’ loss of loved ones and more, so we can take the appropriate steps to acknowledge these events. “If used properly, the office grapevine can be a powerful career aid,” insists RoAne. “It can provide you with a great deal of useful information, including rumours, many of which become fact.” With this information, you can very easily become more approachable at work, thereby increasing the number of people who think of you as a team player.

3. Being un-promotable

   …but why would anyone think that of you? You work hard, are committed and loyal and don’t take two-hour lunch breaks — what gives? Simply speaking, people just don’t think you have what it takes. You come across as someone who makes a good worker, but a lousy leader.

   Change this perception by:

   Reading the body language of your co-workers as names and assignments are mentioned. This is an almost foolproof way of learning about who works for the company, and who works for him/herself. Armed with this knowledge, you can now judge your colleagues better, and make suggestions to the bosses before work is handed out. They will appreciate your insight, and you go from dead-end worker to possible leader overnight.

Should you move on?

If you find that the reasons you’re stuck are far too many to be comfortably assailed, then it is time to think that maybe you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time. It’s one of those rare instances when it really isn’t your fault that you’ve not been promoted.

But do you want to move into another Assistant Something-or-the-Other position? Of course not! Still, even if other organisations are already waiting to sign up your services, there are some things to consider when moving out instead of moving up. Cheryl Ferguson, a recruiter and host of The Recruiter’s Studio, says that “while it is always flattering to be singled out for a lead on a great new opportunity, you can avoid a lot of surprise, heartache and frustration by doing your homework before making a move.”

Ms Ferguson has three suggestions about whether you want take up an offer or keep looking, and what to ask during the meeting stage before any dotted lines are signed:

1. Learn all you can about the company

   …because you want to at least make sure you’re interested in their line of business. Visit the company website. Find out about the top management, and ask around to see if they’ve been successful in the past. “Has the company raised money, won an award, or signed an exclusive agreement with a key business partner?” asks Ferguson. These are things you’ll want to know before meeting them.

   At the pre-job meeting you should:

   Find out what the people on your team think about the company. They’re probably going to say it’s all good, so go one step further and ask them how long they’ve been with the company — always a good indication of how high the staff turnover is, and therefore whether people are generally happy working there or not. You should also find out what the expectations are for the role, because you don’t want to be unpleasantly surprised with unrealistic goals or with resolving a lot of issues your predecessor left behind. “Ask if there are staff, a budget and timeline in place to meet those expectations,” Ferguson advises.

2. Get a sense of the company culture

   …and the unspoken rules that exist there. If possible, try to get hold of an ex-employee of the organisation before your meeting, and ask whether the management encourages open discussion or prefers quiet subservience. Find out whether people are promoted on merit or longevity and how amenable the managers are to employee concerns. “What’s the company’s reputation like?” asks Ferguson. “And, does it possess the kind of environment you can thrive in?”

   At the pre-job meeting you should:

   Find out about your prospective immediate boss, and what his or her management style is like — hands-on or hands-off? This is especially important, so that you get a feel for the person whom you’ll have to go to for a promotion in the future. Also, how long has he or she been with the company? This is an indication of how much informal clout he or she has within the organisation, which can help your career tremendously if you play your cards right.

3. Contact the local chapter of the industry association

   …whatever that may be. This is especially important if you are new to the industry. Ferguson suggests that you try to attend the association’s next meeting and introduce yourself at it, explaining why you’re there. If possible, you should try and find a representative from the company you’re considering joining and talk to them about their work. “Again, the questions are: how long has he or she been working there? Does he or she enjoy it? Why?” says Ferguson.

   At the pre-job meeting you should:

   Discuss the company’ business and industry as openly as possible, and try and get them to say something negative about it — there is no such thing as a perfect company or business to be in. If the interviewers seem reluctant to disclose details about the company’s performance (if it’s a privately held company) or are unwilling to discuss its poor showing in the last quarter (if it’s a publicly held company), then you shouldn’t be too enthusiastic about joining them — you could wind up at another dead-end, and play second fiddle all over again.

Smart... or evil?

The employer-employee relationship is much like a tempestuous love affair between a man and a woman: neither party likes the status quo much, yet both parties need each other, and one party is always ready to end it.

There is no such thing as a loyal employer, so why should there be such thing as a loyal employee? We tend to plod on in our dead-end jobs, putting in extra hours and initiative because we feel obligated to repay the company’s confidence in us. But what about the company’s obligations to repay us?

The trouble is that a company does not have human emotions like guilt, fidelity or honour per se. The employers do… but then employers have an uncanny way of hiding behind ‘company policy’, don’t they?

In the twenty-first century, smart employers have made their workforce a commodity. Large corporations hire people on six-month contracts, offer no medical benefits or transport allowance and so need never worry about bonuses or raises. Smart employers also do not want specialists — they like so-called ‘multi-taskers’ who can do everything from debt collection to providing after-sales service. Smart employers have also learned the value of the Appointment Letter, including several clauses very disadvantageous to the employee like, “Thou shalt not work for our competitors within twenty-four (24) months of leaving the Company.”

In the face of such brilliance, it’s time to stand up and be counted. Power to the employee!

1. (Ir)responsibility

Responsibility is a funny thing: people don’t like it, but it’s something we all have to deal with one way or another. Outside the office, we can be pretty sure that if we do take on a responsibility, we will get rewarded one way or another — buying a car, getting married, having a baby. But within the workplace, you never know when taking on responsibility is going to get you in so much excrement that you cannot breathe.

They say that taking on more responsibility actually grooms you for bigger, hotter seats. Yet, strangely enough, bosses have a very good way of pinning the blame on their underlings. Whilst they may be responsible for something, they refuse to be held accountable for it. If everything goes right, they get the glory for their ‘marvelous management skills’. But if all hell breaks loose, it’s your fault!

If your employers are typical of almost all small employers — the type that gives you hell when something goes wrong, but keeps silent when the going’s good — then you may want to reconsider before taking on more responsibility. What your employer is trying to do is simply cut cost: they need to hire someone else to take on that job if you don’t agree to it. But are they going to pay you more for that added responsibility? And if so, how much?

You know you can do the job. Perhaps you’re even sure that you could do it well. But seriously, why bother? It’s not your company, and the Smart Employee would be less worried about company cost and more about what keeping her responsibilities to a bare minimum and reducing her exposure.

2. Volunteering skills

Small firms with minimal international exposure or multinational corporation (MNC) experience have another thing in common: they never invest in their people. Sales people remain sales people; accounts clerks remain accounts clerks; designers remain designers. The company does not offer to send employees for training, nor invest in tools that will help them do their job better or facilities that could improve their wellbeing. Now tell me: why should you offer to do anything more than what you were hired for?

Companies that do have a sense of gratitude for their employees’ contributions understand what their personal development means to them and the business, and offer to at least subsidise any education related to their scope of work. With companies like this, employees are of course obligated to give their 100-percent because their employers paid for their degrees of professional certificates. Who would not love his company for that? Everyone wins at the end of the day.

Unfortunately, most companies do not practice this. In fact, most companies don’t even have a budget for human resource development. Employees that try to obtain funds for courses related to what they do are very often turned away because small-minded employers don’t think the company will get corresponding value in return. It can be very frustrating, as many of you readers already know.

The Smart Employee will pay for her personal development on her own time with her own money. She’ll attend seminars and courses and improve herself continuously, but — and here’s where it gets interesting — she will not offer any of these skills to the company.

For instance: if you start off as an accounts clerk, but finance your Business Law course yourself, why should you offer your newfound knowledge to help your company get out of scrapes? Fuhgedabouddit! If they want a lawyer on their payroll, get them to pay.

3. Overtime

Ah… the eternal conundrum: should you put in more hours at work in the hope of getting recognised, or should you work-to-rule and have more time to yourself? Let’s hypothesise for a minute, and see whether you agree with me that few companies are worth more effort than what they already pay you for.

Lisa works at a bank. She regularly puts in two hours overtime at least twice a week, and hopes to get a sizeable raise at the end of the year. Twelve months later, her wishes are granted: all employees get a 10-percent raise. You read right: ALL employees, including Lisa’s peers that clocked out at 5.05pm every working day of the year!

The point here is that very few companies actually give raises based on personal performance. If the company does well, share and share alike — everyone gets the same quantum of incentive. The company would rather reward all their employees the same, than reward some more than others and risk a mutiny.

Companies rarely appreciate the overtime you put in at work, so don’t. They simply think that you take longer than others to do the same amount of work. You, of course, know otherwise. Suddenly, after a couple of break-ups and estranged friends and family that never get to spend time with you, you find that all you get is a measly extra USD100 a month. Is that really worth it?

The Smart Employee knows that she can contribute so much more to the company if she did overtime, but she also knows when it is worth it… and few employers are worth it these days. Don’t get me wrong — Smart Employees are highly competent and very valuable to any organisation. But they also know better than to deliver the performance of an USD3,000-per-month-employee for a company that only pays USD1,000.

Know what your work is worth, know the market and know yourself. Who is more important: the company or you?

4. CYR (Cover your rear-end)

Otherwise known as Cover Your Arse. Now, I know many of you reading this have an inherent dislike for people who practice CYA, and so do I. Everyone would like to work in an organisation where every worker takes responsibility for their actions and no one tries to dodge the line of fire. Unfortunately, such idyllic working conditions are unrealistic in today’s world, so most of the time it’s people like you and I who end up full of buckshot.

However, Smart Employees do realise when it is worth taking the fall (when your employer or supervisor recognises your sacrifice, for instance) and when it is not. A ‘good leader’ is generally perceived to be one that stands up for his or her subordinates and takes the brunt of the employer’s wrath. But when your subordinates are all but waiting to see you fall, then you have to ask yourself if it is worth protecting them. Remember that in the working world (as in life) all is fair in love and war. Your subordinate will feel no compunctions about taking over your job, and though sorry to see you go (perhaps you were good friends), he or she will not be that upset.

The practice of CYA is not a trait of the Smart Employee — Smart Employees have much more dignity and self-respect than that. A Smart Employee readily takes the blame for what she knows is her fault, because she wants to learn and she understands that some lessons are harder than others. A Smart Employee does not assign blame to others, but she also does not foolishly stand in the line of fire to defend the guilty party.

Those pickets you see where employees stand side-by-side with each other in protest against the company are typical examples of mass corporate suicide. The Smart Employees are the ones still inside the building, talking over what to do with other Smart Employees that will collectively inherit the company’s future.

5. Competing agendas

When you join a company, you usually have some vague plans about where you would like to be in a couple of years’ time, whether promoted or transferred or reassigned. You might join as a salesgirl, with the hope of making Sales Manager in a couple of years. Or, maybe you hope to be transferred to Customer Service, which is what you really want to do. In any case, you have ambition.

Now, there is nothing wrong with ambition. It’s what keeps the cream rising to the top. But your plans can go horribly wrong if the company has plans of its own. They may want to hire a Sales Manager from outside their industry to ‘inject new blood’ into the organisation. They may be thinking about outsourcing their entire Customer Service centre. They may even be thinking about closing shop. How are you supposed to know whether your ambitions and the company’s plans complement each other?

Well, you don’t. Companies that do have some sort of succession planning usually refrain from telling their employees about it, whilst companies that don’t have these long-term plans usually have no idea about what is going to happen one year to the next. They are as much in the dark about it as you are.

So, if you think your hard work is going to pay off in the end by making you a Head of Department, you should know that it often does not work that way. We’ve all had our hopes of a promotion dashed by a new face in the company (who is of course hated by everyone, rather unfairly). A Smart Employee will try her best to understand where the land lies before she starts putting in extra effort to earn her promotion. Competing agendas between the company and the employee have frequently ended in tears — guess who does the crying?

There is a lot of work out there for employees who know what they are worth and how to market themselves. Just because one company does not recognise your contribution (or is afraid to), it does not mean that another will not. Your employer does not own you; it is not the be all and end all of your subsistence. As long as you train well, work well (NOT the same as working hard) and keep your wits about you, you will always be in demand.

A Smart Employee…

• Does not shortchange — being a Smart Employee does not mean you don’t do the best that you can in your job. You do… just as long as it corresponds with what you’re getting paid.
• Works well, not hard — a Smart Employee can usually finish her day’s work in half the time it would take others because of her knowledge, efficiency, and skill.
• Continuously improves — learning is an ongoing process, and Smart Employees are always trying to upgrade themselves and their skills to make themselves more valuable.
• Is proud — a Smart Employee takes great pride in her work, which is one reason why it is always above average and why she is always in high demand.
• Knows herself — a Smart Employee knows herself well in terms of the amount of work she can do, her skills and her capacity. She does not take on more than she can chew, so she never underperforms.
• Is happy — Smart Employees are very happy and lead very fulfilling lives. They have plenty of time for their families and friends because they know where to draw the line between work and play.

Backstabbers at work.

On any given Monday, Sally is possibly the bitchiest marketing executive around, so says Kavitha, her friend of five years. How does she know?

A year ago, Sally was looking for a job. When an opening turned up in Kavitha’s company, a timeshare sales firm, Kavitha wasted no time in recommending her for the position. Sally got the job, and has been working there ever since. But something happened: Sally and Kavitha drifted apart, and their friendship went from Saturday slumber parties and Sunday lunches to Tuesday afternoon meetings and office backstabbing.

“We were such good friends,” recalls Kavitha. “In the beginning, it was great. We’d have lunch together, car-pool to and from work, and meet clients. But I didn’t expect her to be so bitchy.”

It turned out that although Sally is a pleasant enough person, she’s very aggressive when it comes to work and her career. After a couple of months, she began to backstab Kavitha at the office. Kavitha heard rumours about Sally not being happy sharing sales ‘territories’ with Kavitha anymore, and that she was lobbying with the bosses to have it changed. Sadly, that same dissatisfaction stained their long-time relationship, and it turned sour. Five years of good friendship, gone in an instant.

Work And Play Don’t Mix

It’s a sad but necessary fact that work lives and personal lives don’t mix. No one can stand a friend who talks about work all the time, the same way that companies don’t tolerate employees who bring family problems to work. People always tell us that couples should not work together, and that families should stay away from setting up their own businesses unless they’re prepared for the bickering that will go on until someone or everyone dies. The two parts of our lives are not the same, so says Dr. Mark Pope, a career and family counsellor and Associate Professor at the University of Missouri.

“The real problem is the incongruity in behaviour between the friend-at-work and the friend-at-home,” he says.

At work, individuals are driven by money, by power and by their career objectives in the way they interrelate to their colleagues. But at a personal, out-of-office level, they are driven by emotions, by kindness, by gratitude. That’s what keeps families together longer than office teams: the motives are less selfish. In the same way, corporate high-achievers keep moving up: more money, more power.

Thus, when two people who share a personal relationship undertake a professional, working commitment, they find themselves making some tough decisions. All of a sudden, the motives behind our relationships are at conflict. Especially if one is a superior to the other.

“Where friends’ jobs put them into situations where they must discipline their friend, or must evaluate their friend’s work, or any situation which has a perceived negative result for one friend, there is potential for bad feelings between those involved.,” says Dr. Pope.

Subordinate-superior relationships are probably more obvious examples of how friends can fail to work together, but far more common is the peer relationship, like Kavitha and Sally. They both failed to acknowledge that something was going wrong. Most people would do the same: go on with their friendship, as though nothing has changed. But it’s hard when the person you’re chatting over tea with now is the same one who attacked your work in a meeting last week. Can you ignore it?

Dr. Pope says it’s absolutely imperative that you do. “Be sensitive to the work situation of each other,” he says. “Know that there will sometimes be situations where the work requirements will take precedence over the friendship, but that when you are away from work it is the ‘non-work’ parameters which are in effect at that time.”

Two Hearts, One Mind

Succeeding in that effort may be easier said than done. How many of us are able to openly talk about our friendship with each other without getting defensive? Someone must initiate the conversation, and whoever does is going to end up the Bad Guy. By starting it, you’re implying that you’re unhappy. The other person thinks it’s because of him or her, even if he or she does feel something wrong somewhere. It’s a classic recipe for disaster.

But by laying down some rules-of-conduct, and sticking by them, two friends should actually still be able to work together without their personal relationship getting in the way. One common but very effective rule is to not talk about work outside of the office.

“This draws an almost perceptible line between your office life and your personal life. It may be difficult at first, especially when you have many questions, and are excited about your new job. But after a while, it becomes natural,” says Jonathan, who was hired by an old schoolmate of his at his company. His friendship with his boss was strained at the beginning of their work-relationship, but after a frank chat over some beers, they agreed to some basic rules, including not having lunch together.

“Just like couples, friends shouldn’t see too much of each other. You get sick of them,” theorises Jonathan.

Kavitha suggests making sure there’s a ‘cooling-off’ period between work and meeting as friends. “It should be at least a couple of hours… long enough for you to get your work-mode out of your system, and turn to friend-mode again.”

Dr. Pope agrees, saying, “First, sit down with each other early in the work relationship and identify where there are likely to be problems. Second, establish clear boundaries.” Hopefully, this will nip any trouble likely to arise right in its bud.

Colleagues Or Friends?

Probably the most important decision that you’ll have to make is what your primary relationship is going to be: friends, or colleagues.

Many us find friends at our workplaces… or so we think. When push comes to shove, we ought to remember that the people we meet at the office are strangers to the rest of our lives, even if they do come over for Christmas once a year. And if they’re pushed into a corner, they will sacrifice their loyalty to their friendship with you if their career is at stake. Few people ever keep friends in the same place when they change companies, and those that do ordinarily have ulterior, ‘industry-wide’ motives. After all, you never know who might open doors for you in the future.

So it is with friends, except that because friendships have to do with our hearts more than our minds, we’re more susceptible to hurt and anger than we would be in other cases. Most of us can watch a colleague leave a company, never to be seen again, without so much as a “keep in touch!” But friends cannot maintain that level of disinterestedness. We bemoan friends who use us and leave us, but we there’s no problem with colleagues leveraging off each other. It is accepted behaviour. A part of life. Survival.

So, the most difficult question that two people will be faced with when working together is, “What are we first?” Some would say friends should stick together, no matter what. But others rank family first, work second, and friends as third, in that order of importance. Are you willing to sacrifice your friendship to become colleagues?

Of course, some sort of middle-ground would be ideal, but being human, that’s about as easy to find as a tiptoe balance on a slack-rope. Tread carefully, but the moment either of you see signs of the other falling over, then it’s time to reconsider your decision. It’s never too late to leave that job and save your friendship.

Everyone's selling something.

It’s enough to make you go mad: one dumb boss after another. A never-ending list of whining subordinates. Companies that couldn’t care less for you. Maybe it’s time you struck out on your own. Here are five steps to get you started!

Let me let you in on a little secret before you read any further: being your own boss isn’t a novelty anymore. It’s a fad. Everyone’s doing it, from accountants to writers, to music teachers and pet groomers. It’s a way of life. It’s so, well, twenty-first century.

“But how?” you ask. The money? The security? How are you ever going to find enough to survive? What if you fall sick? Well, you’re in for a surprise. Being your own boss is easier than you think.

Step 1:  Know what you’re selling

The first question to ask yourself is, “What am I selling?”. Business and making money is all about selling, when you stop to think about it. Even as an employee, you’re selling your services to your company. You’re going to be doing the same thing if you set out on your own. The only difference is that you won’t be selling your company anymore — just yourself.

Invariably, you’ll settle on a skill that you have as your best product, and rightfully so. Writers have a knack for the written word. Teachers are great in instruction. Some of us are blessed in an artistic way (music, handicraft), and some in more traditional ways (salesmanship, medicine), but there is always something you’re good at. It’s especially good if it’s unique, and not easily available. The trick to being your own boss is being really good at what you do, and honing that talent until you stand out from the rest.

Finding out what you’re going to be selling is probably going to be the most difficult step, but once you have it out of the way, you can start focusing on your venture. You will feel uncertain about your ability, and when people don’t buy, you’ll get disheartened. But stick to your guns, and you’ll soon find appreciation for your talent in some of the most unlikely places. Know what it is you’re selling, and start doing it!

Step 2: Get the word out

Now you’ve decided what it is you’re selling, it’s time to start doing so. Promoting your services or products is an essential part of the whole be-your-own-boss process, because if people don’t know about you, they can’t buy from you. But before your do go to all this trouble, make sure you are readily available. A permanent email address and phone number are indispensable.

Start off small: send emails out, and include your promotional pitch in your signature. Don’t spam, though — that’s an unpleasant way for people to find out about you. Next, invest a little. It costs less than USD10 to get a stack of professionally-printed cards to hand out whenever you get the chance. Scan the newspapers and Web for opportunities to pitch your services at events, exhibitions or functions that seem to fit your potential clients. Attend them and hand out those cards!

Make phone calls, too. Nothing is more effective than cold-calling. Writers call publishers to offer their services. Actors call production houses. Accountants call small companies with no resident accounts department. Who are your customers? You’ll be surprised with how receptive they can be to your proposals.

After that, you can start moving on to some serious A & P work. Build a website for yourself that shows what you’re offering and how to contact you. Make sure you include it in all email correspondence; and list yourself in websites that share your clientele. Don’t forget the online Yellow Pages (or equivalent). The Internet is a powerful marketing tool, and it’s free (most of the time). Use it to the best of your ability. If you’re willing to invest a little more, place some classifieds advertisements in newspapers.

By now, you should have started generating some enquiries already. It’s important to remember to not over commit yourself. Don’t make promises you cannot keep, or deadlines you cannot meet. Judge for yourself how much work you can handle. Ultimately, you’ll find that most of your business is going to be from repeat customers: clients that are happy with your work, and trust you to deliver consistently. This is where your client-supplier relationship skills will be tested. When you are your own boss, the adage that “The Customer is King” is never truer.

Step 3: Watch your interests

Insurance prohibits ladders.

Part of the reason that a lot of us shun setting out on our own is because of the lost benefits that we get from being employed, the two biggest concerns being retirement and medical benefits.

What you have to do is set up your own retirement fund. Most insurance companies these days offer plans that are similar to statutory retirement funds. Yes, you do lose a little in terms of your employers’ controbutions to your fund, but most self-employed people believe it is worth every cent to be able to wake up and say, “I don’t feel like working today,” and go back to sleep.

Medical benefits are a lot easier to replace: a simple medical plan will serve your needs just as well as any company’s employees’ medical benefits. In some instances, you’ll likely find them even better. Medical plans vary according to age and health, but in any case, it’s unlikely that you’ll find yourself paying anything more than USD100 a year – less than USD10 a month.

Step 4: Pay your taxes

One of only two things that are certain in life, being self-employed doesn’t mean that you’re excluded from paying taxes. You might ask how they will ever know, but if I told you the story of one man who didn’t pay taxes for ten years, and found a demand for over USD15,000 in backdated dues on his doorstep one day, you’ll know better than to try evading it.

Filing tax returns is simple, and most of us have done it at least once. Spend a day at the income tax department, and sort out your correspondence address for them to send you your documents. Fill them up, and attach relevant proof of income and relief, and that’s it: you’re done. Make sure you do it every year, else you’ll fall out of practice and get lazy.

Step 5: Enjoy the good times; prepare for the bad times

Every business has its cycle, and so will yours. One day, you will find business tapering off a little, and your income fluctuating quite disconcertingly. For this reason, you should always try to save for rainy days… of which there will be many. Some companies will issue cheques late, some not at all. As you gain experience, you’ll learn whom to trust and whom not to. Some people will ask that you redo your best work. Others may reject it outright. Sometimes you’ll find yourself faced with an irate customer. Sometimes, you’ll lose them altogether. It’s a sad reality that the world, like your customers, is not perfect.

But all this is invaluable to your development as a person, and you will have many bittersweet lessons to learn from. Take them in stride, and one day, perhaps as soon as a year later, you’ll be able to say “I’m the boss”.

If all bosses were smart, you wouldn’t be reading this. Unfortunately, a lot of them are surprisingly dull, which means that we have to approach them keeping their surprisingly poor mental aptitude in mind when we want to present an idea.

For this reason, the Presentation was invented: a session whereby the presenter gets all the attention of the audience, which includes his or her boss, and sells an idea to them. It was designed to optimise brain receptors and minimise stupidity. But even with all these measures, a boss’s idiocy can still dim your idea. Here’s what to do, step-by-step, to make sure your presentation brings out the brighter side in him or her.

Preparation: 1 + 1 = 2

Photo credit: hfb. Click image to visit photographer.

No argument was ever won without convincing logic. Thus, if you want your boss to see that 1 + 1 = 2, your material must add up.

Now is a good time to think about your idea seriously. Can it really do what you say it can? Write out the problem and the solution you are proposing on a piece of paper. Now read it aloud: does it look convincing? More importantly, does it sound convincing?

This is the most important step of all, because if your idea doesn’t have a sound logic, there’s no way your boss will ever see the use of it. Make sure that there is a definite, distinctly defined problem. Then show how your idea is going to address it.

First, you need tools. Presentations are done everyday, on different scales, throughout society. When Microsoft blasted millions on the launch of Windows Vista, it was a presentation. When you walk into a shop and the sales assistant makes her pitch, it’s a presentation. Microsoft uses large TV screens, balloons, fireworks and lasers to make their point. The sales assistant uses her smile, the products around her and her persuasive salesmanship. My point is this: what can you use?

People talk about ‘making yourself heard’ a lot these days because there’s so much communication and information flying about. In order to be heard, you have to be creative. Think of different ways to present your idea.

Some examples: if you’re proposing a new process, bring along the by-products from the existing process (like unnecessary paperwork). If you’re selling a new product idea, express the need that exists and how your idea will fulfil it (acne medication: a volunteer with a bad pimple). Bring along a prototype if possible. If you’re pushing for a five-day work week, show some pictures of your office employees lazing about on Saturdays. Or better yet, get them to demonstrate a typical Saturday workday for the benefit of the audience.

Use some medium that will make your audience sit up and take notice. Once you have their attention, your flawless logic has a better chance of being heard.

A Presenter’s Best Friends

Computers are a popular presentation tool, and why not? With some cool animated graphics, an LCD projector and a dark room, anyone can be Bill Gates. But aside from the fact that they can be time-consuming to produce, and can be more trouble than they’re worth (something almost always goes wrong), they’re not the be all and end all of presentations. Besides, other tools are often more practical than laptops anyway.

The humble flip-chart is often overlooked, as well as the whiteboard. These are particularly useful if you want to illustrate something, and need the help of a marker to draw lines and boxes and squiggly people. They are much easier to set up, and have the added flexibility of being able to take on a whole new page, in case you think of something more you’d like to include at the last minute. It also encourages people to participate by taking notes – helpful in the learning process for any child (or boss) – and so help your message sink in.

It’s always a good idea to give handouts of whatever it is you’re presenting, but not too much. Don’t spoil your boss. Make sure he or she has to put in some effort in taking notes of his or her own. If you’re not giving handouts, at least supply a couple of sheets of rough paper and a pencil. Get them involved.

Finally, you should always bring support. Get at least one colleague to sit in on the presentation who will ask pertinent questions and encourage discussion. The more your idea is discussed, the better chance there is of it being approved… or, at the least, sent up the hierarchy.

The Pitch

It can be intimidating, facing a table of people, all of whom feel that they undoubtedly have more important things to do than listen to you jabber on about your cure for office supplies shortage.
But there they are, and there you are. Face to face. You asked for it, and now you’ve got it. One chance to impress, one shot at glorious distinction. You could either fall flat on your face, or grow in their esteem. If you’ve taken proper preparation steps, then at least you won’t have to worry about potential operational screw-ups, which can be very disconcerting. Assuming you’ve readied yourself up to the hilt, begin your pitch.

There are several things to remember about giving presentations that you should never forget:

1. Speak clearly, and loudly
2. Don’t look at the floor, maintain eye contact
3. Use active, positive language
4. Wear comfortable shoes, in case you stumble.

When speaking, don’t mumble or murmur under your breath, because your boss will think you’re talking about him or her to yourself. Say everything distinctly, and look for signs of comprehension on their face and in their eyes — that’s what all this is for: to get your idea through his or her thick skull. Use active language like “It will do such-and-such a thing” rather than “It could do such-and-such a thing”. And don’t wear anything that may be hazardous to your pitch like high-heels, or, if there are men, plunging necklines (we find it hard to concentrate on what a total babe is saying when her blouse is set to burst).

Follow Through

No one is going to stand up at the end of your presentation, applaud you, and ask you to put into execution everything you just proposed as well as recommend your promotion. That only happens in the movies and in corny deodorant advertisements.

What will happen is that you would have made an indelible impression in their minds, enough for them to remember what you said for the next week or so. This is when the poker is hot, and this is when you should strike. Over the next few days, do your best to follow-up on your proposal with your boss. He or she may be marginally better-informed after your talk, but no smarter. You’ll still have to keep reminding him or her of it, and push for the stamp of approval.

Sometimes, several idiots may have to make a collective decision on your idea. This is even more frustrating than dealing with one, but necessary to ensure complete sanity in the workplace. Make sure you’re as diplomatic as possible when it comes to chasing signatures or deadlines: being the idiots that they are, they might think you’re trying to overthrow their thrones.

Not that that would be such a bad idea, now, would it?

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Yum Yum

Ghandi was one. The Dalai Lama is one. Martin Luther King, Albert Einstein, Tolstoy, Mark Twain and even Charles Darwin were all enthusiastic about it, too. Vegetarianism has been around for a long, long time, and these guys really liked their spinach.

Firstly, let’s get some facts straight. Ceasing to consume meat will not cure any illnesses. Being a vegetarian also does not mean that all you eat is green. Oranges are not green. Neither are almonds or beetroots. Vegetarianism is in fact more like non-meatarian, although there are very strict variations to the idea.

But although an all-green diet does not cure mysterious ailments, it can promote the prevention of some. Typically, a vegetarian diet is low in fat, cholesterol and calories. Some scientists have even found that vegetarianism may even protect against certain forms of cancer. It also saves a whole lot of money. And now that I have your attention, I can tell you about the downside of going green.

Forget the Meat

Not the easiest thing to do, I assure you. Don’t believe me? Try to list down your last five meals, and see what the main dish was. If you do not see a meat dish there, then you deserve to treat yourself to a huge (meatless?) dinner.Take away chicken, beef, mutton, duck and eggs and what do you have left? Not a whole lot, you’ll notice. Take away seafood as well, and you’re very near starving. Now what? Well, thankfully, someone did all the mix-and-match work a long time ago, and discovered that we have a wonderful food that fills the gaps left vacant by all this meat perfectly. Its name is tofu.

I know. Not many people have a special affinity for tofu, but get this: if you are going to become a vegetarian you had better learn to love tofu like you do chocolate. I’m afraid there is no way around this, save migrating to a more vegan-friendly country like Switzerland. (By the way, going vegetarian – truly vegetarian – also means no dairy products, and that includes chocolate; and ice-cream).

Taking away meat from your diet means taking away what is currently your primary source of protein. (You are taking away a lot more, too, but for now, let’s just worry about protein). And soy-based products, as we know, are rich in protein. But if you’re beginning to cry because you’re going to have to start eating soy products, don’t. All is not lost. Also thanks to the genius of generations of avid vegetarians before us, today there are many variations to tofu and soy, and alternatives, too: your future menu will include textured vegetable proteins (those meat-looking dishes you see in vegetarian restaurants) and multivitamins.

To stop eating meat is like trying to find alternative fuel for your car — it is difficult. But not impossible. Now, if you are ready to go on, grit your teeth and make a silent pledge to avoid all meat at all costs. Then bring out the cutlery.

No more pills, please

Alternatives to Meat

Before you decide to go herbivorous and stop eating meat completely, you should consult a doctor. They spent years at school and thousands of dollars so that they can advise us about these things. If your doctor says green is great and you’re good to go, then please do. If not, then at least you have a good excuse. In any case, it’s good to just hear him/her out anyway. All those years and dollars they spent just might be worth something, after all.Now for the good news: there is a lot more to good food than just cheeseburgers and steaks. Firstly, decide what sort of vegetarian you are (loads of variations). Some strictly eat plant-food. Some allow dairy products, but not eggs. Some allow eggs, but draw the line at fish. Most stay on the non-meat course, meaning that anything that does not directly involve a dead animal of any kind is fair game. Once you’ve decided which one you want to be, start looking around for alternatives to what you’ve lost from your diet. It’s recommended that you gradually change your diet by – for instance – firstly ceasing to eat red meat. Then duck. Then chicken. Soon you’ll find that you’ve run out of choices, and voila — you’re a vegetarian!

The biggest problem with adopting a vegetarian diet is the loss of nutrients from meat. And the greatest threat is the lack of Vitamin B12 – an already rare nutrient, found only in animal products. Lose it, and you risk anaemia and a higher possibility of heart disease. This is where the multivitamin pill comes in. Don’t like swallowing pills? Well, too bad.

Another nutrient you’re going to choke your body of is iron. Under most circumstances, a good vegetarian diet has enough iron in it for most people. But if you’re pregnant, or are menstruating heavily or suffer from iron deficiency of any kind, then it’s time for another pill. Then there is the question of calcium: make sure you shore your diet up with plenty of this (especially if you’re a woman) with either high-calcium beverages or, well, a pill.

And that is, broadly, what you’re going to be missing in general: Vitamin B12, protein, iron and calcium. So, do like the mouse in Who Moved My Cheese, and find an alternative. If you don’t have a problem downing a couple of multivitamins a day, you should be okay. Otherwise, move on to Plan B and look for alternatives to those multivitamins.

Alternatives to Multivitamins

Aha, so the pills scare you, eh? Not to worry, as long as you can concede the tofu bit.To substitute Vitamin B12, you’re going to have to look real hard at the labels on soybean milk at the supermarket. There are one or two that actually have this hard-to-find vitamin in them. Just make sure that it is soy milk, and not regular milk, which would completely defeat the purpose (unless you’ve gone for the not-so-strict vegan diet). Also, many tofu products have vitamin B12 in them, so it might be a good idea to look at their labels, too.

To get your daily dose of protein, you do not need to go overboard with the tofu or soy. True, tofu does go a long way, but it’s not the be all and end all of protein. Essentially, a ‘varied’ vegetarian diet has enough amino acids in it to build all the protein blocks you need for one day. By ‘varied’ I mean lots of green, leafy vegetables; lots of grains and beans; lots of nuts and seeds; and maybe just a little tofu to help you along you way. But since this only fulfils the requirements of protein, and not the other missing pieces from you diet, you’re probably going to have to take some tofu anyway.

Vegetarians do not have a problem with iron (unless you have a real problem with varying your greens intake), so there’s not much to talk about here. Unless, as I had said, you are the exception to the rule, in which case your only option is a pill. Or ditching the whole idea of going vegetarian in the first place.

Tofu (again) is a marvellous source of calcium. But since this part is about alternatives to the alternatives, I would recommend a hunt in all supermarket refrigerators for soy milk that has been fortified with calcium. And make sure it’s soy milk!

Remaining a vegetarian for life

How tempting.

I know don’t understand vegetarianism, at least. But we all know it’s good, and therein lies the paradox: if we all know that being a vegetarian is good for our health, good for the environment and good for National Geographic, then why do we have a problem with vegetarians?You’re going to get a lot of lip about why you’ve become a vegetarian, what you hope to gain, what you’re trying to prove, blah, blah, blah. No matter; move on. According to some psychobabble I read when doing research for this piece, this happens because people feel strangely threatened by vegetarians; as though the vegans are getting a whole lot more out of life than they are. Don’t let people get to you when they start asking you ‘why’. Just tell them you discovered that you have an intolerance for meat, and leave it at that.

(However, just because vegetarians are doing themselves and the world a favour by not eating animals, this does not mean that they’re above the rest of us. So, don’t start acting high and mighty and all self-righteous around people. You made your choice, and they made theirs.)

You’re going to have a particularly hard time when it comes to eating out. You’ll find that most restaurants are not catered for vegetarians, and even if they can only serve you with greens, they may use animal-based products in the preparation. Choose where you’re going to eat out carefully (yes, this is going to affect your social life somewhat). There are many vegetarian restaurants that serve strictly tofu – oops – vegan food, and hundreds of cookbooks with thousands of recipes for you to choose from. The good news? Most alcoholic beverages are vegetarian, too.

Becoming a vegetarian doesn’t have to mean the earthquake effect on your life it implies. You have the option of controlling how much it affects your daily routine. Just remember that it’s one of the best decisions that anyone could make.

And remember, you are what you eat.

The Harry Potter Series

Learn to finish what you start

I didn’t know Harry Potter’s eyes’ were green.

Ever feel that with a little more will and perseverance you could really make something of yourself? Many of us have a tendency to let challenges bring us down, and get discouraged too easily. Adventure games build your resolve in a way other entertainment cannot.

The beauty of the Harry Potter series lies within its level of difficulty: it is not hard; but it is not a walk in the park either. The format is such: you get one mission directly related to the main plot (for example, finding out what the Goblet of Fire is all about). When you complete this mission, you go to a lecture (Professor Sprout’s is particularly interesting) and then learn a new spell. You then go through an obstacle course against the other Houses at Hogwarts (Slytherin is your arch-rival, of course).

Each time you complete a Professor’s course, Professor Dumbledore does a House Points Count. The House with the most points gets to go to a bonus level, where you collect as many Beans as you can within a limited time. Beans are the currency of Hogwarts (in this game, at least), and can be used to buy stuff like ingredients for magic potions, Life Points and other useful stuff. And then you go through the whole gamut again, picking up a new spell with each new cycle.

The game tests your patience in several ways, not least of which is going over a lot of the same ground and zapping the same enemies before you finally complete your mission. Along the way there are many ‘secrets’ to be revealed, many of which you discover accidentally. Persevere, however, and you will learn the satisfaction that comes with conquering your discouragement and finishing what you start.

Zoo Tycoon

Mastering crisis management

What with traffic summonses appearing in your mailbox out of the blue, getting dumped by your boyfriend and your hairdryer spewing smoke on a bad hair day, it’s easy to lose your grip these days. How do you keep things in perspective? A fun way to learn this skill is with Zoo Tycoon.

Zoo Tycoon is a strategy game in which you have the task of building a zoo, making it profitable, keeping the authorities at bay and ensuring the animals and water life in your care are happy. You start from scratch by selecting an animal up for adoption, building an enclosure for it and hiring a zookeeper to take care of it. Then, you expand. This is where the real fun starts.

First, your animals will start complaining that there’s too much grass in their new home. Then, it’s too much sand. Then, they want a toy. Then, the water is too murky. Then, they fall sick. Visitors don’t like seeing unhappy animals (there’s a bar that shows the animal’s happiness level), and they make scathing remarks like, “We don’t think much of your zoo.”

While all this is happening, of course, your money is depleting with wages and salaries. Suddenly, you find yourself in the red — you’re going broke! And then the National Animal Welfare Foundation says you’re not taking care of your animals properly, and bans you from adopting any new animals. People get bored and your ratings drop. You can view your zoo’s financial data and statistics in real-time, helping you keep track of how you’re doing.

The game gets more complicated as you go along, throwing increasingly tougher challenges at you, which you must overcome with panache in order to succeed. If it starts getting boring, you can increase the level of difficulty or download interesting stuff like the Endangered Species Expansion Pack to make it more educational. All this and more certainly helps you put everyday emergencies like broken high-heels into perspective.

The Sims

Brush up your people skills

What makes the difference between a good manager and great manager? — people skills. The ability to empathise with others and to understand human nature, whims and failings gives great managers a useful edge when it comes to motivating subordinates and handling bosses.

As far as human computer games go, nothing beats The Sims. Easily the most popular game amongst women, your job is to choose a family (or make one up yourself), buy a plot of land, build a house and move in. Then you make neighbours in the same way, and everyone becomes friends and all your Sims live happily ever after.

Except that they don’t. Things can go wrong. They miss a couple of days’ work, and they lose their job. They have affairs with neighbours. They fight, and run away (never to be heard of again in the game). They are lazy and selfish, always complaining… very much like real-world people, don’t you think?

The Sims live on a few basic necessities just like we do: food, rest, companionship, entertainment, comfort… the usual. You can improve your Sims’ mood by giving them better living conditions and making sure they get enough rest. A Sim in a good mood often gets better prospects at work, and can therefore bring home better paycheques. A Sim in a bad mood does not even want to look for a job.

Get ready to have your management skills and human insight tested to its limit with The Sims. They start sleeping on the bathroom floor, playing basketball at midnight and hitting on married neighbours. Keeping your family of Sims happy is tougher than you think, especially when (like humans) they have nearly infinite wants, are fussy and behave in surprisingly stupid ways. Oh, and if you think that money solves everything, it doesn’t — housing your Sims in a mansion with all the frills of opulence in no way guarantees success. You’ll have to think out of the box for this one, I’m afraid.

Diamond Mine

Sharpen your eye for detail

If you have a habit of letting even the simplest errors get by you when sending in reports, then you ought to look into how you can improve your eye for detail. Bosses like to spot mistakes on subordinates’ work, so the less you have of them, the better.

Diamond Mine is very much like the PDA game, Bejewelled: a single-player game where you need to switch the gems around in order to get three (or more) in a row. This may sound easy enough, but when you’re looking at 64 gems all packed together side by side, you’ll be surprised at how many times you end up slapping your forehead exclaiming, “How could I miss that!”

The trick to playing Diamond Mine is to think at least two steps ahead so that you don’t end up having no more moves (in which case your diamond stack collapses — Game Over!). This small-time strategy will help you construct your work-day better, too. Just don’t get addicted — this game is hard to put down once you get the hang of it.

You either play the free web version of Diamond Mine (with limited features) online . Or, if your internet connection is sucky, you can download the application onto your hard drive for free, which has better graphics and sounds, but comes with an expiry period. Or, if you have some spare plastic cash, why not get the full version for USD19.90?

Internet Scrabble

Tickle your brain

A lot has been said about what playing Scrabble regularly can do for your word power and presence of mind. If you’re one of those people that frequently have embarrassing lapses during concentration when you just cannot find the right word to use, playing this popular word game will soon set you right. The trouble is playing Scrabble with your partner can often lead to miserable tiffs… especially if he’s a sore loser.

The Internet Scrabble Club is every avid Scrabble-player’s dream website, plus it’s free. Registration is simple — username and password — and they don’t make a big deal of fancy graphics and stuff so that your game can proceed uninterrupted. All you need is to download a small file to your hard disk, have a reliable internet connection and you’re good to go!

You can specify the type of player you want to play with. Some use official American Scrabble dictionaries, some use French, Dutch and even Italian (seven to choose from, altogether). Select one you’re comfortable with. Also, some players like to use a dictionary during the game, which you may or may not be comfortable with. This, too, you can specify when you’re looking for a challenge. Supposing you cannot find a suitable one (or no one wants to play with you), a computer is assigned to challenge you — a very tough opponent!

There are some ‘commands’ you need to learn to play Internet Scrabble effectively like SEEK (search for a suitable opponent), WHO (see all players logged in to the ISC server) and MATCH (set up a game with a specific player). To make the Internet Scrabble Club experience more realistic the TELL command lets you send a personal message to your opponent so you can really tease them into making a bad move. But if you’re like me, just clicking on the buttons work great… if you’re not fussy about the details of the person you’re up against.

Money makes people smile.

Sound familiar? The sudden explosion of Get-Rich-Quick schemes that have spread over the Internet have made it a billion dollar industry. In society’s impatience to get ahead and move up, some have taken the opportunity to exploit the rat-race. Thousands of people have been cheated out of millions of dollars, time and effort; relationships have been severed and friendships broken as a result of the cunning and masterful tactics of marketers and conmen, who prey on the one of the fundamental characteristics of humankind: survival.

But whilst dozens of companies are involved in these schemes illegally, they have also tarnished the reputation of the few legitimate businesses that offer legitimate career opportunities. But who can tell? Quite simply, if it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is.

The Ponzi Scheme – A Lost Investment

The 30% Interest Investment!

How’s this for a quick buck? – I take $1,000 from you, and promise you $1,200 in three months (12 weeks). That’s an unheard-of interest rate of 80% p.a. Interested? Read on.

In one week’s time, I convince your friend to do the same. I now have $2,000. Word gets around about a ridiculously easy way to make money overnight. I collect $20,000 from 20 investors.

When your money is due, I happily give you back $1,200. I keep my promise. You’re pleased. You invest again, also at the agreed quantum of 20% interest in three months’ time. I take $5,000 from you. My bank balance now = $20,000 – $1,200 + $5,000 = $23,800.

But then something goes wrong: unemployment spikes, and my ‘investors’ want their money back. Two have fulfilled the 3-month period. I give all the other 18 investors their deposits back, no interest. Bank balance is now $5,800. I give the last investor his due $1,200, and avoid your calls. Why?

Because my bank balance now stands at only $4,600 – you’ve lost $400… if I’m nice enough to return it all. Otherwise, you’d have been relieved of all $5,000, and I’d be on the next flight to Phuket.

That was a best-case scenario, one in which I was kind enough to give back investors’ deposits, leaving them (for the most part) untouched. Ordinarily, I would have been using my bank balance’s funds to support myself, eating into your deposit. A sudden flood of withdrawals from the scheme would have resulted in losses for everyone. In fact, you’d probably never see me again as I take to the hills.

With the Ponzi scheme — also loosely-termed Deposit-Taking Schemes — money appears to be made because of large funds that will support individual ‘matured’ withdrawals. Early investors are paid with the money of later investors, with interest. But it always runs at a deficit, and should all participants want to get their money back immediately, the scheme crumbles. It lasts as long as people continue to join and there is a constant inflow of money… or as long as the operator sticks around.

Either way, you rarely see your dosh again.

The Pyramid Scheme – Get In On The Ground Floor

Don’t want to work anymore? Become a member of my little company, and if you work hard, you’ll be able to hang your boots up and retire in a year. Sounds too good to be true? I’ll prove it.

I’m recruiting ten ‘members’ as part of my organisation. You each pay me a ‘nominal’ $1,000 joining fee. My bank balance is now $10,000.

In order to benefit from my idea, my ten members (‘downliners’, in marketing-speak) have to each find ten members to join as their downliners. You get $500 for each member signed up as a commission. I get the other $500.

You all succeed, and your bank balances now stand at $5,000 each. You’ve made a cool $4,000; I, on the other hand, have just topped by my bank balance by another 100 x $500 = $50,000. I have now made a profit of $60,000 from my little company. You are happy; I am happy. Now the real fun starts.

Your downliners (the third generation) have to each find ten members each. By some miracle, they all succeed, recruiting 1,000 members collectively, each paying the $1,000 fee. $500 goes to your downliners for their hard work; $250 to you, as their ‘upliners’, and the other $250 to me. My company now has 1,111 people involved. Bank balances now stand at: you (2nd level) = $30,000; your members (3rd level) = $5,000; Me (1st level) = $310,000. You’re positively ecstatic. So are your members. I encourage all of you to tell your friends and family to ‘get in on the ground floor’, because we’re going to keep growing and growing. (Keep in mind that I have done nothing since I recruited you, except maybe play computer games).

You scour the city you live in, approaching everyone you know – friends, family and distant relatives. Many agree, and you ‘refer’ them to your downliners’ downliners (the 4th level in my plan). But there are now 1,000 new members looking for a further 10,000 members.

If the newly-recruited 1000 manage their momentous task, I’d have 11,100 members; then 111,100 members; then 1,111,100.  My little company would be bigger than many governments. But that won’t happen.

Instead, my scheme begins to fall apart at the 4th level, and people quit left, right and centre. The market is saturated. But why should I care? My bank balance, after this latest wave, stands at $435,000.

Is it legal? Take the test!

This is a test devised by Jon M. Taylor, PhD of the Consumer Awareness Institute of the US. Before taking part in any scheme which promises unlikely returns, you should ask yourself these questions:

1. Deposit – If you’re asked to put anything other than cash down, sound the alarms. This is an almost positive sign of something being amiss.
2. Interest – Anyone who claims that they can make your money earn interest at rates much higher (20% and up) than banks (usually between 4 – 8% p.a.) falls under suspicion.
3. Opportunity – Were you asked to participate in a scheme because of the great products or because of the ‘opportunity’? Any company or person that puts opportunity before product is suspect.
4. Product – If there is product-selling involved, then carefully scrutinise the products and ask yourself if they’re really worth the price-tag. If you think they’re over-priced, start worrying.
5. Compensation – Do some calculations, and see if you can make a respectable income by just selling the products alone WITHOUT having to recruit downliners. If it’s paltry, then it’s not genuine.
6. Income Disclosure – People will hype the incomes of certain distributors as an incentive for you to join. Make them prove it.
7. Credibility – Many people use fantastic testimonials to lure you in. Beware, as many of these testimonials are paid for. Verify them first.
8. Support – Are you expected to pay for company training material (audio/video tapes, manuals etc.) or does the company sponsor them. If you have to pay, that’s just another way that they make money.
9. Gut – The best test is to ask yourself if you feel pushed or pressured. Offended? A good opportunity will not disappear. Don’t fall for the ‘get in on the ground floor’ trick.