College Life: new freedom, new independence.

So, you’re out of school and off to college. Congratulations! Order a pizza! Treat yourself to a tub of Haagen Dazs. But wait — isn’t college just a different type of school? Well, yes and no. Yes, you’ve got loads to study, and it isn’t going to be easy, either. But hey! — you don’t need to… »

College life: fun, fun, fun!

Girls just wanna have fun and boys just wanna have sex. One of life’s dumbest axioms, but there is some truth to it. College changes your ideas of entertainment in a way nothing else can. You’re above eighteen, and discos are suddenly very real attractions. There’s Starbucks, too. And the movies. And… »

College life: study hard, study smart

If you thought high school was tough then wait till you sit through your first lecture on Fundamental Economic Theory. College can be a terrible shock if you’re not prepared for it (it was for us!), what with the gigantic books, humungous libraries, and — would you believe it? — more mathematics! But it’s not… »

College Life: boys, boys, boys

The trouble with boys is that they’re not much fun if they’re smarter than you. And college is positively chock-a-block full of smart alecs who really do believe what their Mum’s told them about the world being their oyster. In any case, there’s a pretty good chance that college will be your first experience of getting… »

College Life: your body, your health.

A healthy body makes for a healthy mind — Clichéd, we know, but true. Now that Mom has stopped fussing over you (you asked for it!), and home-cooked food seems like a distant memory, it’s really up to you to take care of yourself. Hey — growing up has its price, you know. Three years is a… »

College Life: New friends, new rules

What are friends for if not to make your college life one big, exciting joyride, right? Especially if your friendship dates back to your pre-Barbie doll youth! But here we must warn you to brace yourself for disappointment. Friends at school rarely remain friends in college, and it is perfectly natural for both… »

Fun lovin' in the sun!

Girls just wanna have fun…

… and boys just wanna have sex. One of life’s dumbest axioms, but there is some truth to it. College changes your ideas of entertainment in a way nothing else can. You’re above eighteen, and discos are suddenly very real attractions. There’s Starbucks, too. And the movies. And shopping.

But although everyone would like to get on in life by just having fun, it just doesn’t work that way (unless you’re a Hilton Heir, which doesn’t count). That’s not to say that you can’t have any fun — what would college be without it? But it must not get to the point when you’d rather sip on a latte than be at tutorial.

There is also the question of where to draw the line between entertainment and stupidity. Dancing the night away can be a lot of fun, but is quickly ruined by drugs or too much alcohol. The best way to know if what you’re doing is acceptable is to imagine Mum seeing you at it: will she be merely annoyed, or will she be break into tears? Annoyed is okay; tears are not.

Year One

Night heat:

You’ll be tempted to experiment, but we should warn you to stay away from full-fledged clubs (the kind with the largest dance floors and brightest lights) for now. Most of the time, they’re for above-21s anyway… and with good reason.

Day breaks:

This is more up your alley, and we encourage you to find ways to let off your steam during the day instead of the night during your first year. Think: shopping, Starbucks, movies and park outings.

“Me” time:

AThere is nothing like time alone to reflect and relax. We recommend settling into an alone-time routine throughout your days in college. Oh, and ‘Me’ time does not equal sleep time.

Year Two

Night heat:

The neon lights are calling you seemingly every weekend and the music never ceases to get you grooving. Now that you’re settled, feel free to party now and then… but only if you think you deserve it, and if you can afford it.

Day breaks:

These will seem pretty humdrum affairs to you by now, but they’re still important. Ideally, your clique should be more coffee-sippers than Margarita-guzzlers, too. It’s cheaper and (somewhat) healthier. Try to take the lead.

“Me” time:

This will possibly be your favourite way of unwinding by now, and that’s good for you. As long as you don’t start feeling lonely, you should continue this therapy as long as you can.

Year Three

Night heat:

Okay, sweetheart: time to shelve the dancing shoes and sequin skirt — the party’s over. Don’t feel sad, though. You’ll be partying more than ever when your Finals are over.

Day breaks:

Without the clubbing, do you see why these day breaks are so important? Even so: how much time do you have to while away at Starbucks if you still haven’t mastered Calculus yet?

“Me” time:

Now, it’s easy to start dealing with exam pressure by (over)sleeping it away, but this is not going to help you much in the big picture. Not enough sleep is bad, but too much can be devastating. It becomes a hard, terrible habit to kick. Try simple meditation exercises instead.

In the College Lifeseries:

• College life: new freedom, new independence
• College life: new friends, new rules
• College life: your body, your health
• College life: boys, boys, boys!
• College life: study hard, study smart
• College life: fun, fun, fun!

Study, study, study

If you thought high school was tough…

… then wait till you sit through your first lecture on Fundamental Economic Theory. College can be a terrible shock if you’re not prepared for it (it was for us!), what with the gigantic books, humungous libraries, and — would you believe it? — more mathematics!

But it’s not impossible. It’s not even hard, once you get the hang of it. Yes, some of the concepts are a little tricky to grasp. And of course there probably is an easier way to say ‘How To Count’ than “Quantitative Methods”. But all you have to do is get past the first few hurdles of comprehension, and you’re on your way. Hey — if it really is that hard, where are all the college dropouts, eh?

Year One

Lectures:

Much as we hate to admit it, college lecturers really do know what they’re talking about. You, on the other hand, do not. Of course, this being your first year, you’re going to be tempted to doze in class as much as the rest of us and hope to catch up later. We won’t tell you not to, but won’t you at least try to pay attention now and then?

Tutorials:

The difference between tutorials and lectures is that the former is more discussion-based, whereas the latter is usually all one-way instruction. If you’re a super-learner, you could probably get by on lectures alone. But why be an arrogant fool?

Exams:

As in school, you’re not going to take any other exams apart from your Finals seriously. But this is a bad habit, and now that’s you’re all grown up, you should change it. All exams are important.

Year Two

Lectures:

These will have progressed from scarily interesting in the first year to agonisingly boring by now. More than ever, you will have to discipline yourself to make sure you attend every lecture — the tough subjects are always reserved for the second year of study.

Tutorials:

If you’re still cocky about your concentration skills at lectures, good for you. But our advice is to attend tutorials this year just to make sure that you’re on top of your game. And if you’re not… well, time’s getting short so you’d better buck up!

Exams:

These will not seem anything like what you remember. Questions will be tougher, and will test your knowledge on what you learned last year. Good refreshers, and if you do well, they do wonders for your self-confidence in the run-up to next year’s Finals.

Year Three

Lectures:

If you’ve been mucking around the past two years, then this year is going to seemingly rush by you leaving you asking yourself “Where did all that time go?” Do not miss anymore lectures. This is the year teachers offer their tips and advice for the Finals.

Tutorials:

Another thing you absolutely cannot miss anymore. This year’s tutorials will be crucial in preparing you for the finals, and are where you’ll likely get the best tips towards doing well on The Big Day.

Exams:

This is it. The Finale. The Big Day. “Where did the three years go?!” you scream. It doesn’t matter now. All that matters is that you focus all your energies into doing past-year sample exercises and clearing up concepts you’re unclear on with your lecturers. Unless you want to come back and do it all over again….

In the College Lifeseries:

• College life: new freedom, new independence
• College life: new friends, new rules
• College life: your body, your health
• College life: boys, boys, boys!
• College life: study hard, study smart
• College life: fun, fun, fun!

Trouble brewing.

The trouble with boys…

… is that they’re not much fun if they’re smarter than you. And college is positively chock-a-block full of smart alecs who really do believe what their Mum’s told them about the world being their oyster.

In any case, there’s a pretty good chance that college will be your first experience of getting into a relationship… and all the difficulties that comes with it (what do you think all those broken-heart songs are for?). Not all boys are as nice as we’d like them to be, especially when they’re far away from home (i.e., foreign students are the ones you ought to be most wary of). But there are certainly a load of cute, intelligent boys that you can count on being your knight in shining armour should the need arise. The trick is to not rush into things.

Year One

The friendly guy:

Let’s face it: you’re no Jennifer Garner, so not every guy has to worship the ground you walk on. Some guys just want to be friends (seriously — we asked). During your first year, all males should be friends only. No exceptions.

The special guy:

Regardless of what you just read above, you will single someone out as the guy you’re most interested in. Perhaps he’s really smart. Or funny. Or a Beckham look-alike. Or whatever. But our stand remains the same: friends only.

The dangerous guy:

You’ll know this guy from the way he makes you — and every other girl in college — weak at the knees. Beware! Breathtakingly handsome and usually rich, he’s always on the prowl for ‘fresh meat’… and you’re perfect.

Year Two

The friendly guy:

The Friendly Guy — he who said he’ll ‘always be there for you’ — will start to wander. He’s got new, male friends. But he’s not ditching you, and he’s not gay. It’s just that guys aren’t hung up about friends the way girls are —he’s just being his usual, friendly self. It’s not personal, and you’ll be hard-pressed to find a truer friend than he.

The special guy:

Either one of you would have made your move by now (it’s nice to live in this liberated age and time, isn’t it?), and things are purring along nicely. Still, things should not be physical between the two of you yet. Be patient, will you!

The dangerous guy:

He’s still as dashing as ever, although you don’t feel faint every time he smiles at you anymore. Keep your guard up, though!

Year Three

The friendly guy:

Here’s a secret: guys are naturally logical people, and can do very well in science or mathematical subjects if they put their minds to it. You’ll find a friendly guy invaluable if you’re weak in an area like this during your exam year.

The special guy:

Trouble may be brewing as the pressure bears down on both of you. Your relationship can either grow from this experience, or flounder. The best advice we can give is to put all matters of the heart on the backburner for this time, until the Finals have gone and sanity and order return.

The dangerous guy:

If he’s still there (they’re usually seniors), he could pull the good ol’ “Would you like some help with that sum?” trick on you as a last gasp effort. Don’t fall for it.

In the College Life series:

• College life: new freedom, new independence
• College life: new friends, new rules
• College life: your body, your health
• College life: boys, boys, boys!
• College life: study hard, study smart
• College life: fun, fun, fun!

Risky diet.

A healthy body…

…makes for a healthy mind — Clichéd, we know, but true. Now that Mom has stopped fussing over you (you asked for it!), and home-cooked food seems like a distant memory, it’s really up to you to take care of yourself. Hey — growing up has its price, you know.

Three years is a long time to go without a proper diet and healthy lifestyle. You’re in danger of picking up several bad habits in college that could stay with you for life if you’re not careful — smoking, for instance. And snacking. And sleeping.!

Year One

Physical:

You will struggle to come to terms with the fact that a) there is no food like Mum’s food, and b) you actually miss the twice-weekly Phys Ed. class at school. Try to keep up some sort of exercise regimen.

Mental:

Your future will never seem bleaker than it does in your first year at college. Your life is in your hands, now. How will you get by? A scary thought, of course, but you mustn’t let it weigh too heavily on your mind. Try to enjoy college instead of hating it, and you’ll find the pressure a lot easier to deal with.

Emotional:

Apart from the fact that you’ve just lost all your friends from school, your family is treating you a little differently, too. You’re not Daddy’s Girl anymore (well, not for much longer, anyway), and you kid brother has stopped annoying you. Keep smiling. This emotional slump is only temporary.

Year Two

Physical:

By now, you should be more or less settled in with your new way of life. The good: you don’t miss Mum’s cooking as much. The bad: you’re comfortable, and therefore, vulnerable to bad influence. This is the year you’re most likely to pick up smoking, so don’t.

Mental:

The Finals are still a year away, and though the thought of failing them does cross your mind, you don’t seriously believe you could. Or could you? You will be plagued by self-doubt this year, and must avoid the trap of low self-belief. Keep your chin up!

Emotional:

You’ve got new friends and your family is honourably supportive of you. You may even have a special someone in your life. Great! But remember to keep up your grades. The best friends in the world won’t be able to make you feel good about yourself if all you’re managing are Cs and Ds!

Year Three

Physical:

Yes, you’ve put on a few pounds. But it’s nothing serious. As your exams get closer though, the quality of your diet tends to deteriorate (like you didn’t know that). Remember: Healthy Body = Healthy Mind. You need to eat well if you’re to study well!

Mental:

Often, the most challenging part about major exams is facing them. What you have to tell yourself now is that you have nothing to be afraid of. How could a bright girl like you be scared of a silly exam paper? Pah! No fear!

Emotional:

The pressure is really going to be building up around you. Your happy-go-lucky friends suddenly aren’t smiling anymore, and all your Mum seems to talk about are Your Exams. Repeat after me: I will not crack under stress.

In the College Life series:

• College life: new freedom, new independence
• College life: new friends, new rules
• College life: your body, your health
• College life: boys, boys, boys!
• College life: study hard, study smart
• College life: fun, fun, fun!

College friends... 15 years after college.

What are friends for…

…if not to make your college life one big, exciting joyride, right? Especially if your friendship dates back to your pre-Barbie doll youth!

But here we must warn you to brace yourself for disappointment. Friends at school rarely remain friends in college, and it is perfectly natural for both of you to find new people to hang out with. Sometimes, it’s because both of you chose different things you want to do; sometimes, it’s because your parents’ dictated different colleges for you should go to. But mostly it’s because you’re both growing up and out of each other. It’s sad, but not terrible. The bright side? You get to make new friends all over again!

Year One

Your clique:

… is nonexistent as yet. Strange classmates and strange lecture halls make you think that you’ll remain friendless for the rest of your sorry, sad life. Don’t worry, though; things get better. Trust us when we say that the other girls (and boys!) around you feel just as bewildered as you do.

Your best friend:

Er, you don’t have one anymore. In all likelihood, she’s in another college, making other friends. How could she! But stay positive and, most importantly, make the first move. Your classmates have just lost their best friends, too; and, like you, they’re looking for replacements.

Your teachers:

College teachers are nothing like the boring stiffies in your ex-school. It’s easy to make a friend or two in them, and we recommend doing so.

Year Two

Your clique:

You’re unbelievably trendy, fashionably hip, a regular Pop Princess among your classmates. You hardly think about the friends you left behind and life looks quite pretty. Finally, you’ve got a cool clique again!

Your best friend:

Found her yet? Good. But be careful: its early days still, and you’ve only known each other for a year. Things can turn sour in a hurry if you’re not careful. It’s important that the two of you still keep at least some parts of your life private… at least for another year.

Your teachers:

Start making your popularity count. Join clubs and societies and vie for the top posts (they’ll look really good on your CV). Teachers love students that volunteer for these positions!

Year Three

Your clique:

“Friends that study together pass together” they used to say. This crucial period is when your friends and you need each other most. All of you will have a pet subject, and you’ll all have a hate subject. Why not exchange notes and help each other out?

Your best friend:

If she’s still the same person, then you are firm buddies by now. The two of you can support each other in ways that the rest of your clique cannot; so stay in close contact, even during semester breaks — you’ll need it!

Your teachers:

All that kissing up over the past two years will really pay off now, and you can hassle your teachers into giving you additional tutorials if you need them. See? Being a teacher’s pet pays after all!

In the College Life series:

• College life: new freedom, new independence
• College life: new friends, new rules
• College life: your body, your health
• College life: boys, boys, boys!
• College life: study hard, study smart
• College life: fun, fun, fun!

Off to college!

So, you’re out of school

…and off to college. Congratulations! Order a pizza! Treat yourself to a tub of Haagen Dazs.

But wait — isn’t college just a different type of school?

Well, yes and no. Yes, you’ve got loads to study, and it isn’t going to be easy, either. But hey! — you don’t need to wake up at six in the morning anymore, classes are thoughtfully interspersed with snack breaks and you get to meet a whole bunch of cool people.

Best of all, you’ve seen the last of that awful uniform!

Year One

Freedom:

Your newfound freedom is going to take some getting used to, but are we going to tell you to behave yourself? Nah! Have fun, by all means! Just remember what you’re in college for, and don’t miss too many classes ;).

Money

It’s easy to get caught up in the fashionista race in college, and you’ll want to be hip at all times. But whatever you do, don’t use the college fees your parents are slogging for. If you insist on only the best styles, get a part-time job.

Independence

You also have to start taking charge of your own life, now. No one is going to punish you for not finishing your homework, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to do it. (Most of the time, anyway).

Year Two

Freedom:

If you partied all through Year One, now is when you should wizen up. No more late weeknights and missing class the next day.

Money

By now, you’ve probably realised that there is no such thing as easy cash — you’ve learned one of life’s bitterest lessons. Good for you! Now, why not start saving a little towards the semester hols?

Independence

Start asking yourself how far behind you are in your studies, and take measures to curb your lag. Get to know your library better. No more doodling whilst your lecturer explains the wonders of Keynesian economic theory. And absolutely no more SMSing at tutorials!

Year Three

Freedom:

Typically, this will be Exam Year. You shouldn’t be going out much at all — yes, that means no shopping and no clubbing. College is about studying, nor partying.

Money

Anxiety is murder on the pocket, as you start drowning your exam fear in Chachos and (admit it) chocolate. Then again, you should be saving on your shopping binges. Keep a loving eye on your savings, and add to it — it’s going to be your reward for getting through this tough period.

Independence

Remember how teachers used to give you reams of sample test papers in school when your exams were round the corner? They served a purpose, you know. This time around, though, you have to plan your own training schedule. Good luck!

In the College Life series:

• College life: new freedom, new independence
• College life: new friends, new rules
• College life: your body, your health
• College life: boys, boys, boys!
• College life: study hard, study smart
• College life: fun, fun, fun!

Career opportunities await.

Tired of being the flunky at work? Time to get your act together and start playing to win!

Nothing was going right for Alice. She’d been hired as Junior Copywriter three years ago. Drafted into a growing advertising agency, she saw it expand to nearly twice the size it was when she joined. Yet, she had never been asked if she’d be interested in a promotion. Instead, she watched three men and one woman take up the position of Senior Copywriter, and all left the company within a year.

Finally, after all those doughnut lunches and midnight dinners, she handed in her resignation. Not because she had found another job, but because she was so frustrated at playing second fiddle.

“As junior copywriter, I got no credit,” says Alice, 26. “If my ideas were good, they’d be approved to show to clients. And if the clients liked them, then they’d become successful ad copies. But I never got any credit for it — the glory always went to the so-called ‘team leader’, which was the Senior Copywriter, of course.”

When the management received her resignation, they didn’t make much of a fuss because they didn’t realise the talent they were losing. They didn’t know that Alice was the creative spark behind so many campaigns, because she never got recognition for her work. And so the company lost a valuable mind, and Alice probably lost a sterling career in a growing organisation.

It’s called playing second fiddle, being the lackey, being the cog in someone else’s wheel: as long as you keep turning, they keep moving. But there are reasons why you find yourself in this position, and there are ways to get out.

Why you’re here

Although a CBS News poll suggests differently, experts generally agree that most of the time, a woman’s career is held back primarily because of herself. According to Cathy Goodwin , PhD, author, speaker and career coach, there are five things that could be getting in the way of your moving up at work:

1. Not finding out

   …whether the position is available in the first place, or if the title and salary advertised is negotiable. Companies often don’t have the budget to move people up a rung arbitrarily, so it could simply be bad timing.

   What you can do about it:

   “Before you enter a negotiation, find out if there are restrictions on what you can get,” says Goodwin. “For instance: if a job is advertised at a certain title and salary, some companies will not negotiate beyond what is formally posted. If your company has a limit on raises, you can’t get more unless your boss jumps through a lot of hoops.”

2. Not knowing the company’s direction

   …and assuming that the position must be there because someone had it last week. It could have been made redundant, or it could be that they have taken its role and made it someone else’s responsibility. It’s not very fair, but it’s not your fault, either.

   What you can do about it:

   “Companies reward people for doing what the company wants,” says Goodwin. “If the company’s values conflict with yours, you have a decision to make.”

3. Not documenting your contributions

   …to the company. People have a short memory, and few HR departments keep track of employee successes. Most are only interested in employee failures.

   What you can do about it:

   “Write down every little success that contributes to the bottom line of your company or division,” advises Goodwin. “How has your work helped your boss get his or her accomplishment? Show how your job has increased sales and (hopefully) profit, saved time and/or money, or somehow added value.” Goodwin also warns that if you have a job with no measurable contribution to the bottom line, then you should start thinking about a career change.

4. Misjudging the boss

   …can severely hamper your chances of breaching the subject of getting promoted. Different bosses have different negotiating styles — some bosses like people to challenge them, some prefer written documents, others face-to-face conversation, others e-mail. And most bosses need some higher authority to approve promotions or raises.

   What you can do about it:

   You need to make it easy for your boss to make a case for you when approaching his boss. When applying for a promotion, make your case in the cover letter so your boss can ‘sell’ you.

5. Being unsure about yourself

   …makes you unfocused and incapable of appearing confident about what you want. What’s your market value? Are you ready to move for more money? Do you have other options if this doesn’t work out?

   What you can do about it:

   “If you know your bottom line, you will have the quiet confidence that communicates nonverbally,” says Goodwin. “If you are not marketable, do the best you can with this go-around and then begin to consider a career or job change. Or, find ways that you can become more marketable on the job, such as courses or classes.”

Politicking your move up

Being an Assistant Something-or-the-Other does not exclude you from the politics of your workplace. As Susan Roane, keynote speaker and best-selling author of The Secrets of Savvy Networking says: “Waste not one moment lamenting about the horrible politics in your firm, company or association. There is no gathering of three or more persons that is free of politics.”

Although the game gets tougher the higher you get, even the most menial position at your office is subject to political influences. And changing jobs is not the answer.

“Some people sincerely believe that if they change jobs or firms, the politics will go away and they’ll live happily ever after,” says RoAne. “It isn’t true of marriages; why should it be true of work?”

Not being politically savvy can affect your chances of a promotion in more ways than one, according to RoAne.

“Office politics has taken a rap from people who don’t get the plums,” she says. “No one complains about politics who has been the beneficiary of some savvy actions.”

These are some of the perceptions your colleagues may have of you, and what you can do to counter them:

1. You lack career management skills

   …and have no clue as to what to do next. Anyone who wants to go anywhere must have a plan, a roadmap to get there. If you appear content to stay where you are and bitch about it, your boss will think that you’re headed nowhere… and no one likes a corporate nomad.

   Change this perception by:

   Firstly, getting to know Who’s Who. This is very crucial, because there are some whose opinions count, and other’s who don’t. You want to make sure you work on the people who do. “Observe your colleagues, subordinates and supervisors,” suggests RoAne. “Who eats with whom? Who works out together? Commutes together?”

2. Being a loner rather than a team player

   …will not make you a successful leader.  People don’t know you well enough to want you to be in a position of power. Promoting you would be a disaster to the team, since no one else will understand why you deserve the move.

   Change this perception by:

   Listening, says RoAne — to conversations in staff rooms, at clients’ and even in the washrooms. Some may describe this listening strategy as eavesdropping, but this ‘informal listening’ allows us to learn of birthdays, anniversaries, promotions, co-workers’ loss of loved ones and more, so we can take the appropriate steps to acknowledge these events. “If used properly, the office grapevine can be a powerful career aid,” insists RoAne. “It can provide you with a great deal of useful information, including rumours, many of which become fact.” With this information, you can very easily become more approachable at work, thereby increasing the number of people who think of you as a team player.

3. Being un-promotable

   …but why would anyone think that of you? You work hard, are committed and loyal and don’t take two-hour lunch breaks — what gives? Simply speaking, people just don’t think you have what it takes. You come across as someone who makes a good worker, but a lousy leader.

   Change this perception by:

   Reading the body language of your co-workers as names and assignments are mentioned. This is an almost foolproof way of learning about who works for the company, and who works for him/herself. Armed with this knowledge, you can now judge your colleagues better, and make suggestions to the bosses before work is handed out. They will appreciate your insight, and you go from dead-end worker to possible leader overnight.

Should you move on?

If you find that the reasons you’re stuck are far too many to be comfortably assailed, then it is time to think that maybe you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time. It’s one of those rare instances when it really isn’t your fault that you’ve not been promoted.

But do you want to move into another Assistant Something-or-the-Other position? Of course not! Still, even if other organisations are already waiting to sign up your services, there are some things to consider when moving out instead of moving up. Cheryl Ferguson, a recruiter and host of The Recruiter’s Studio, says that “while it is always flattering to be singled out for a lead on a great new opportunity, you can avoid a lot of surprise, heartache and frustration by doing your homework before making a move.”

Ms Ferguson has three suggestions about whether you want take up an offer or keep looking, and what to ask during the meeting stage before any dotted lines are signed:

1. Learn all you can about the company

   …because you want to at least make sure you’re interested in their line of business. Visit the company website. Find out about the top management, and ask around to see if they’ve been successful in the past. “Has the company raised money, won an award, or signed an exclusive agreement with a key business partner?” asks Ferguson. These are things you’ll want to know before meeting them.

   At the pre-job meeting you should:

   Find out what the people on your team think about the company. They’re probably going to say it’s all good, so go one step further and ask them how long they’ve been with the company — always a good indication of how high the staff turnover is, and therefore whether people are generally happy working there or not. You should also find out what the expectations are for the role, because you don’t want to be unpleasantly surprised with unrealistic goals or with resolving a lot of issues your predecessor left behind. “Ask if there are staff, a budget and timeline in place to meet those expectations,” Ferguson advises.

2. Get a sense of the company culture

   …and the unspoken rules that exist there. If possible, try to get hold of an ex-employee of the organisation before your meeting, and ask whether the management encourages open discussion or prefers quiet subservience. Find out whether people are promoted on merit or longevity and how amenable the managers are to employee concerns. “What’s the company’s reputation like?” asks Ferguson. “And, does it possess the kind of environment you can thrive in?”

   At the pre-job meeting you should:

   Find out about your prospective immediate boss, and what his or her management style is like — hands-on or hands-off? This is especially important, so that you get a feel for the person whom you’ll have to go to for a promotion in the future. Also, how long has he or she been with the company? This is an indication of how much informal clout he or she has within the organisation, which can help your career tremendously if you play your cards right.

3. Contact the local chapter of the industry association

   …whatever that may be. This is especially important if you are new to the industry. Ferguson suggests that you try to attend the association’s next meeting and introduce yourself at it, explaining why you’re there. If possible, you should try and find a representative from the company you’re considering joining and talk to them about their work. “Again, the questions are: how long has he or she been working there? Does he or she enjoy it? Why?” says Ferguson.

   At the pre-job meeting you should:

   Discuss the company’ business and industry as openly as possible, and try and get them to say something negative about it — there is no such thing as a perfect company or business to be in. If the interviewers seem reluctant to disclose details about the company’s performance (if it’s a privately held company) or are unwilling to discuss its poor showing in the last quarter (if it’s a publicly held company), then you shouldn’t be too enthusiastic about joining them — you could wind up at another dead-end, and play second fiddle all over again.

If all bosses were smart, you wouldn’t be reading this. Unfortunately, a lot of them are surprisingly dull, which means that we have to approach them keeping their surprisingly poor mental aptitude in mind when we want to present an idea.

For this reason, the Presentation was invented: a session whereby the presenter gets all the attention of the audience, which includes his or her boss, and sells an idea to them. It was designed to optimise brain receptors and minimise stupidity. But even with all these measures, a boss’s idiocy can still dim your idea. Here’s what to do, step-by-step, to make sure your presentation brings out the brighter side in him or her.

Preparation: 1 + 1 = 2

Photo credit: hfb. Click image to visit photographer.

No argument was ever won without convincing logic. Thus, if you want your boss to see that 1 + 1 = 2, your material must add up.

Now is a good time to think about your idea seriously. Can it really do what you say it can? Write out the problem and the solution you are proposing on a piece of paper. Now read it aloud: does it look convincing? More importantly, does it sound convincing?

This is the most important step of all, because if your idea doesn’t have a sound logic, there’s no way your boss will ever see the use of it. Make sure that there is a definite, distinctly defined problem. Then show how your idea is going to address it.

First, you need tools. Presentations are done everyday, on different scales, throughout society. When Microsoft blasted millions on the launch of Windows Vista, it was a presentation. When you walk into a shop and the sales assistant makes her pitch, it’s a presentation. Microsoft uses large TV screens, balloons, fireworks and lasers to make their point. The sales assistant uses her smile, the products around her and her persuasive salesmanship. My point is this: what can you use?

People talk about ‘making yourself heard’ a lot these days because there’s so much communication and information flying about. In order to be heard, you have to be creative. Think of different ways to present your idea.

Some examples: if you’re proposing a new process, bring along the by-products from the existing process (like unnecessary paperwork). If you’re selling a new product idea, express the need that exists and how your idea will fulfil it (acne medication: a volunteer with a bad pimple). Bring along a prototype if possible. If you’re pushing for a five-day work week, show some pictures of your office employees lazing about on Saturdays. Or better yet, get them to demonstrate a typical Saturday workday for the benefit of the audience.

Use some medium that will make your audience sit up and take notice. Once you have their attention, your flawless logic has a better chance of being heard.

A Presenter’s Best Friends

Computers are a popular presentation tool, and why not? With some cool animated graphics, an LCD projector and a dark room, anyone can be Bill Gates. But aside from the fact that they can be time-consuming to produce, and can be more trouble than they’re worth (something almost always goes wrong), they’re not the be all and end all of presentations. Besides, other tools are often more practical than laptops anyway.

The humble flip-chart is often overlooked, as well as the whiteboard. These are particularly useful if you want to illustrate something, and need the help of a marker to draw lines and boxes and squiggly people. They are much easier to set up, and have the added flexibility of being able to take on a whole new page, in case you think of something more you’d like to include at the last minute. It also encourages people to participate by taking notes – helpful in the learning process for any child (or boss) – and so help your message sink in.

It’s always a good idea to give handouts of whatever it is you’re presenting, but not too much. Don’t spoil your boss. Make sure he or she has to put in some effort in taking notes of his or her own. If you’re not giving handouts, at least supply a couple of sheets of rough paper and a pencil. Get them involved.

Finally, you should always bring support. Get at least one colleague to sit in on the presentation who will ask pertinent questions and encourage discussion. The more your idea is discussed, the better chance there is of it being approved… or, at the least, sent up the hierarchy.

The Pitch

It can be intimidating, facing a table of people, all of whom feel that they undoubtedly have more important things to do than listen to you jabber on about your cure for office supplies shortage.
But there they are, and there you are. Face to face. You asked for it, and now you’ve got it. One chance to impress, one shot at glorious distinction. You could either fall flat on your face, or grow in their esteem. If you’ve taken proper preparation steps, then at least you won’t have to worry about potential operational screw-ups, which can be very disconcerting. Assuming you’ve readied yourself up to the hilt, begin your pitch.

There are several things to remember about giving presentations that you should never forget:

1. Speak clearly, and loudly
2. Don’t look at the floor, maintain eye contact
3. Use active, positive language
4. Wear comfortable shoes, in case you stumble.

When speaking, don’t mumble or murmur under your breath, because your boss will think you’re talking about him or her to yourself. Say everything distinctly, and look for signs of comprehension on their face and in their eyes — that’s what all this is for: to get your idea through his or her thick skull. Use active language like “It will do such-and-such a thing” rather than “It could do such-and-such a thing”. And don’t wear anything that may be hazardous to your pitch like high-heels, or, if there are men, plunging necklines (we find it hard to concentrate on what a total babe is saying when her blouse is set to burst).

Follow Through

No one is going to stand up at the end of your presentation, applaud you, and ask you to put into execution everything you just proposed as well as recommend your promotion. That only happens in the movies and in corny deodorant advertisements.

What will happen is that you would have made an indelible impression in their minds, enough for them to remember what you said for the next week or so. This is when the poker is hot, and this is when you should strike. Over the next few days, do your best to follow-up on your proposal with your boss. He or she may be marginally better-informed after your talk, but no smarter. You’ll still have to keep reminding him or her of it, and push for the stamp of approval.

Sometimes, several idiots may have to make a collective decision on your idea. This is even more frustrating than dealing with one, but necessary to ensure complete sanity in the workplace. Make sure you’re as diplomatic as possible when it comes to chasing signatures or deadlines: being the idiots that they are, they might think you’re trying to overthrow their thrones.

Not that that would be such a bad idea, now, would it?

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Their delicate spot is right between their legs

Photo credit: CarbonNYC. Click image to visit the photographer.

Ironic, isn’t it? Both physically and mentally, our most fragile spot is slotted right between our thighs. We are so painfully aware of this fact that you see some us holding our hands in front of our crotch while we wait for taxis, unconsciously shielding ourselves from an attack upon the very thread from which our sanity hangs.

Physically, you know that our jewels do not take to disturbing caresses very well. This wouldn’t be so bad in itself, except that why does it have to be right next to our most precious utility! I consider it an aberration of nature which I hope will resolve itself over the next sixty million years or so.

Where are the Men’s Nights?

I enjoy clubbing, I really do. The feverish excitement of sweat and perfume mingled with body heat and flashing light always gets me going. But I’ve always wondered this: where are the men’s nights? At the clubs, at the the movies and at the theme parks, Ladies’ Night’s are many with plenty in between. Some even offer ladies’ nights every weekday, provided that they stick to a dress code. But men? Where’s the love, huh? We can’t even get an hour a week to stroke our egos and feel appreciated!

Men are the weaker sex

Women should know better than to doubt the wisdom behind this. The life ambition of man is as follows:

1. Find woman
2. Have sex
3. Repeat steps

I have a stunning girlfriend. And yet, should I be out with her, I can’t help ‘checking out’ other, less attractive women. I don’t know why! Is this that ‘to-sow-his-wild-oats’ theory? What gives?!

Men love ‘stuff’ more than they do themselves

There are only two things I readily spend my money on: music and computers. The only time I get clothes and/or shoes are in wrappers at Christmas and on my birthday. I can’t bring myself to buy something personal no matter how hard I try.

And women wonder why men seem so dull after a while….

Men can’t have babies

If it weren’t for this very important fact, I believe that men and women could live quite comfortably on different continents of the world without mingling. We’d never fight again. It’s not that I wish we didn’t need women to procreate (I’d never say that!). But I would at least appreciate the option of being able to father a child without a woman.

Men never smell good

Phew! Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think men smell too good. We never have, and in all probability, we never will. But why not? I’ve tried to follow my girlfriend’s regimen of body care and odour-beating defences, but they don’t work on me. Within the hour, I smell like something the dog dragged out of the garbage, whilst her perfume still lingers in the air when she walks by.

Why this fundamental biological disadvantage has been accorded to us, I don’t know. What I do know is that I’ve got to go have a bath.

Men can’t prove their chastity

I once met this hot girl that I wanted to lay, who said she would only surrender to a ‘pure’ guy. I pledged eternal devotion, and swore I was a virgin. She didn’t buy it. But I was, I swear I had never been with another woman before her.

How does a man prove to a girl that he’s never done it? You can’t!

Sexist or gentleman?

There is a fine, grey, sparsely dotted line that separates the gentleman from the sexist. On some days, opening a door for a lady will get you an appreciative smile. On others, a curt “I can do it myself” glare. And girls wonder where all the knights have gone! No wonder we’re all mucking about, mixing up lust and love and getting nowhere in our relationships: we can’t even figure out if offering to carry your luggage is chauvinistic or chivalrous.

Men don’t live long enough

Of the two predominant species of humankind on earth, guys have the shorter life span. Blame it on our lifestyles, the food we eat, our lack of exercise, the beer, whatever. The fact is that we don’t stick around long enough to enjoy a lot of stuff. And if we do, it’s usually a miserable existence of a slow, prolonged death anyway. I wish we had more time.

Men can’t win arguments

Unfortunately, there is only one other species on earth we can converse with, and those conversations frequently end up in tears. Care to argue? Yes, I thought you’d want to.

I’m off to take that bath now.

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