The Hangover Cure for Women
Crusty eyeliner, smeared lipstick and bad breath are just some of the side effects of hard partying. But with these tips for Before, During, and After the night out, hangovers will be a lot more manageable… especially with our Miracle Cure!
Do you remember the last time you were on the bathroom floor with nothing but your knickers on, your stomach wincing and the world spinning around you like a top? Do you sometimes spend the night in what is known as the ‘recovery position’: resting your head on the toilet bowl imagining it to be your pillow till morning?
At approximately 2 pm (morning, in this case) you wake up with a ton of bricks for what used to be your head, a hairbrush for what must have been your tongue and a needle cushion in your stomach. With eyelashes stuck together — thanks to that lovely Bobbi Brown mascara — facial pores that have become craters and eyeliner gone crusty around your eyes, you look like a nightmare. This is when you say, “I’ll never do this again” — a classic promise that we all make to break. Because the next time you need to get over some bloke you fancy who broke your fragile heart, you head straight for the tequila shots.
Hangovers happen to the best of us. The ‘happy juice’ makes us feel really good, but like everything else, overdo it and you’re in for a hard time. Apparently, though, it’s not the alcohol itself that’s the culprit (hard to believe, I know), but rather a by-product of ingested alcohol: acetaldehyde.
Your body breaks alcohol down into (among other things) acetaldehyde before transforming it into less harmful substances. Next, a host of depleted minerals short-circuits your nervous system whilst the acetaldehyde does further damage to your brains. Low blood-sugar sets in and this is accompanied by horrifying headaches and dry-mouth symptoms brought on by dehydration. If you don’t know by now, alcohol is a diuretic: it forces the evaporation of a vital portion of the body’s water. Coming off the effects of a mild overdose of depressant drug — like alcohol — leads you into nervous shock. Your nerves react by going into a relatively hypersensitive state.
The sum of all the above is nausea, head spins, twitchy nerves, grumpiness and general unpleasantness. Some report diarrhoea. Because I suffer from gastritis, I usually get a prickly acid feel in my stomach and even heartburn. Oh yes, the list of reasons to NOT drink again is very long in the morning, but look on the bright side: these symptoms are fantastic excuses for not going to work.
The severity of a hangover varies according to your age, ‘enzymatic capacity’ to deal with the poisons and the quantity you guzzle. So, the older you are, the worse it gets. The more you take in a shorter space of time, the more you’ll feel the alcohol. And if your physique looks somewhat anorexic, your chances of an almighty hangover are far greater than it is for lardy types.
But never fear — celebrating happy occasions or brooding over sad ones can turn out better with these tips… and the Miracle Cure for the morning after.
Preparing for the night out
- For starters, never leave home on an empty stomach. Pump yourself up with a hearty meal loaded with minerals and starch to absorb the alcohol so it doesn’t all go directly into your bloodstream.
- Next, water: I know its no fun having to run off to the ladies every time a George Clooney-ish dude starts chatting you up, but if you want to still like him in the morning, you must be sure to fill up with plenty of water before leaving home.
- Finally, bring out the blender and get the secret potion below ready for when you get home. Keep it close by, preferably next to your bathroom.
- It might be a challenge to squeeze these tips into your already tight beauty regime for that sizzling night out, but do it and you could save yourself a whole load of pain in the morning.
While you’re out
- Remember that dark beverages are more potent than lighter ones. Avoid brandy, red wine, bourbon and scotch and stick to gin, rum and vodka. Apparently, a bad chemical named ‘congeners’ occurs naturally in fermented drinks which explains why darker drinks have more ‘congeners’ than lighter ones.
- Whatever the colour, never date a cheapskate who only buys you cheap drinks…especially red wine. It contains an extra hangover-inducing poison called ‘tyramine’.
- Try consuming less than one drink per hour. The science behind this is that your liver breaks down alcohol at a rate of about one beer per hour. In my experience, alternating alcoholic beverages with non-alcoholic beverages always keeps my body hydrated.
- If all else fails and you know that you cannot handle another drink for fear of looking like a loser in front of the boys, sip on tea and pretend its whisky. You can also sit or stand next to a plant and water it with your glass’ contents.
When You Get Home
- Throwing up is good. It gets the alcohol out of your system so that it cannot cause more damage while you sleep.
- Never take analgesics (any form of headache pills) as they aggravate your stomach and may even worsen the hangover. If you’re the type that needs to pop a pill once back home, take a multivitamin. This is a good way to replace the lost nutrients and minerals.
- Julian Mokhtar, a rock guitarist and hard-partier by any standards, says that he attempts to down two large glasses of H2O as soon as he hits home. Works like a charm for me, too.
- Some swear by lime juice over a bowl of steaming instant noodles, while for others its pancakes and honey. In truth, any kind of food will do. The starch will help absorb the alcohol and protect your stomach’s walls from further damage while you sleep.
The morning after
- No coffee and certainly no alcohol. Eat (more so if you’re not feeling queasy) and go back to bed. Simple. Forget the age-old hair-of-the-dog technique (having more alcohol to calm your shattered nerves) unless you want to become an alcoholic.
- Personally, I love a shower when I rise (from the bathroom floor). There’s just something about it that works well for us girls, like washing that man out of your hair.
- As for makeup, be sure to clean your face. Yes, even if you did end up in someone else’s house. Clogged pores make us look scary.
- Finally, get your Miracle Cure (see below) ready and down it in one go.
The Miracle Hangover Cure Recipe
- Take 2 aspirins
- Take 200 mg cysteine (available at specialty food stores)
- Take 600 mg vitamin C
- Take 1 tablet vitamin B complex
- Mix the following ingredients in a blender:
- 1 banana
- 1 small can Red Bull
- 6 large strawberries
- 2 tablespoons honey
- 1 cup orange juice
- 1-2 cups milk (or soy milk)
¼ tspn salt
- dash of nutmeg
Note: Drink it ALL up. If you can down it in one go, you shouldn’t have a hangover, anyway.
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